CIRCULAR THINKING
by FlyingBooger
Unsolicited Advice For GM's, RA's, et al
Dear
Hashers,
The circle is an important part of hash tradition, and often the most remembered
part of the trail. With over 1,500 hashes in the world, there must be at least
1,500 ways to conduct a circle, but the basics are such that most of us would
feel right at home in any hash's circle. The circle, after all, is nothing more
than a ceremony to mark trail's end, to socialize a bit, and to award down-downs
for achievements and sins.
A good
circle doesn't just happen, though. Conducting the circle is a lot of work, and
for many of us, a major source of anxiety as well. How can you remember all the
awards and violations you're supposed to hand out? How do you keep the pack's
attention? How do you keep people from leaving early or breaking up into private
parties? How do you keep things moving and not get bogged down? How do you know
when it's time to quit?
Over the years I've been grandmaster and religious adviser in several hash
groups, and have led many a circle. I'd have thought that after 3,000,000 beers
I wouldn't have enough functioning brain cells left to remember how I got
through all those circles, but as I think about the topic a surprising number of
tips and techniques come to mind. I'd like to share some of them with you, and
by "you," I particularly mean GMs and RAs and anyone else who leads, or is
likely to lead, a circle.
There are two philosophies toward conducting a circle. One is to try to make
everyone happy. The other is to drive the poseurs away until only the hard core
are left, who by definition are the hashers who like the way you run your
circle. Most GMs and RAs walk a line between these extremes. We know we can't
make everybody happy, but at the same time we don't want our hash to turn
cretinous through inbreeding.
Before I say anything else, let me say this: If your hash has a good, solid
membership and long-standing circle traditions, don't try to change things.
You'll just screw it up. If your hash regularly has good circles, with a high
level of attention and participation from the pack, don't change a thing.
Obviously, you're doing something right.
But having said that: If your circle is disorganized and you constantly find
yourself shouting to be heard over the sound of slamming car doors and starting
motors as hashers leave early, you might want to consider some of the following
suggestions:
Disorganize Yourself:
Write
a list of the main down-downs and awards you plan to present. Use a small piece
of paper, or just write on the back of your hand. My typical list looks like
this:
Hares/Virgins/Visitors/Namings/Hash Shit/Violations/Whistle Check
Plan a Schedule: Allow some time for hashers to come on-in and catch their breath. Allow 45 minutes to an hour for the circle. Have a plan for on-afters, and for moving the pack on to on-afters after the circle is over.
Learn More than One Down-Down Song: The pack can get pretty bored singing "he's true blue" over and over. Download the hash songbook and learn a few new down-down songs - there are several nice ones in the first section, Down-Down Ditties.
Find the Funniest & Loudest Hasher and Make Him Lead the Circle:
This works for some hashes - Chuck E. Cheeks of the Denver HHH can keep people
in stitches for hours, and so can Reverend Itchy of the San Francisco HHH - but
the downside is that your perfect RA won't always be there, and when you have to
stand in you're going to look and sound like Richard Nixon by comparison.
Expose Yourself: This will get everyone's attention the first
couple of times you try it, or, if you're female, the first dozen times, but
after a while . . . well, I agree with ZiPpY (R.I.P.) from the Pikes Peak HHH .
. . he once said he'd seen so many naked hashers his new sexual fantasy was
mentally dressing them. Besides, many hashers have a problem with nudity and
you'll risk losing them.
Appoint Sergeants at Arms: Please don't. There's nothing I hate more than two or three loud assholes shouting "RESPECT!" or "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" every couple of minutes. Enough of this Nazi shit, already. Try to remember that people don't come to the hash just for the trail and the circle - they also come to be with their friends, and there's going to besome visiting going on no matter how entertaining you are.
Punish Private Parties: To me this depends on how long down-downs have been going on. If people are having private parties right from the start, call 'em up for down-downs and set an example. The pack owes the circle a certain amount of respect, after all! But if the circle has been dragging on for more than an hour, refer back to the last point . . . it's only natural that people will want to visit with their friends, and maybe private parties are a hint your circle has been going on too long.
Give the Pack Time to Socialize: As the pack comes in, let them drink, snack, and socialize for 20 to 30 minutes before starting the circle. This will get most of the visiting out of the way. Conversely, don't wait too long to start the circle, or people will start to drift off.
Limit Terrorist Down-Downs: Unless your hash routinely makes everyone sit bare-assed on the ice or kneel while hashers pour flour or ice water over their heads (and everyone in your hash is used to it), try to limit really harsh down-downs to the hard core members of your circle. Many potential hashers have been frightened away by down-downs like these. Then again, if your definition of "potential hasher" is someone who won't befrightened away. . . .
Avoid Singling
Out Individuals for Multiple Down-Downs: The hash world,
honest and forthcoming in all other matters, doesn't like to talk about the
hashers who've been caught driving home drunk, so numbers are hard to come by .
. . personally, I think it happens more often than most of us realize.
Control Circle
Creep: Despite your best plans, some things will make your
circle drag on into the wee hours. Anticipate and try to control them as best
you can. These include:
Numerous Namings: And try not to
forget that namings seem even longer to the hashers getting named, and to the
new or visiting hashers who are excluded from the naming circle.
Volatile Violations: Opening the floor for violation nominations from the pack, especially if they're pretty drunk already, is usually a mistake. . . violations can quickly deteriorate into silliness and sometimes harassment of individuals . . . "I nominate Creamsicle because she has a nose!" A good technique here is to limit violations to two or three.
Abundant Awards: Most hashes award a hash shit, but some hashes give additional awards. The Tucson Javelina HHH is an extreme example, with awards including the Hash Shit, the FRB Award, the Best Dressed Award, the Stud of Sadism, the Prestigious Bitch, the Menacing Manacles of Masochism, and some I probably don't even know about yet. . .
Pack Pimping: If you don't have a plan, or if you don't stick with it, pretty soon the pack will take over, shouting out things like "You forgot the Hares/New Shoes/the Whistle Check/Birthdays/etc." At that point you might as well join the pack!
Dickhead Debates: Establish clear policies
prior to the circle, otherwise you'll wind up arguing with members of the pack
over whether visiting hashers have to do virgin hasher down-downs, or whether
virgins have to do repeat down-downs because they don't have whistles.
Have a Plan for
Concluding the Circle: Think
about how and when you're going to conclude formalities and get the pack moving
to On-Afters. I try to keep the circle to an hour, max, and I always end it the
same way . . . with a whistle check, followed by the singing of the
International Hash Hymn (“Swing Low, Sweet Chariot”), followed by a formal
announcement that the circle is over. This way the pack knows what you're doing
and what's coming next, and they're less likely to interrupt you with things you
missed (and you'll always miss something).
These are all commonsense things, but they're easy to forget if you don't do a
minimum of organizing and preparation beforehand. The main thing is to have a
plan for down-downs and awards, and to stick with it, avoiding as many
distractions as you can. Leading a good circle is a rewarding experience, and if
you are the least bit shy, leading the circle will cure you of it permanently.
Good luck and a good circle to you, mates!
On On,